John G Davies

Valedictory Speech

Unitec PASA Farewell

November 19 2019

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Before the beginning

The End

Easier to pick up the load than set it down.

Interview won the candidate raises high the

Prize of appointment.

The finish is more difficult

To put off is harder than to put on

Tears are more natural than laughter

Speech harder than song

Darkness longs for light

Light strives to remain

Strength grows weak

From happiness comes suffering and suffering is endless

And yet this end is my choosing

I want the desert, the silence, the valley of

No footprints

The solitary mountain of myself

It’s time to dismantle this impermanent city and

Eat the wind.

I choose blindness over sight

I move into darkness for in the daylight the

Slaughter of innocence is heartbreaking and only

Silence and emptiness will bring me any quietude, any peace

Any chance to hear my own heartbeat.

I can no longer justify the plate of plenty

I seek the beggars bowl and scraps of redemption

The sun does not rise or fall, it only IS

And to feel its heat I must step away from this turning world

And stand in the blaze of endlessness.

Buddha waits-within

I am coming-my time is now.

To arrive is easier than the failure of departure

To exit the stage is a leaving of attention into wings of uncertainty

The only confirmation

Is that

The end has come.

Darkness shrouds fear and fear cannot be eliminated.

I ride on winds of doubt and anguish

Until my blood is exhausted

To seek absence, the balance of nothingness

Only breath

Only god

Only rock and water

I don’t know who I am.

The fear of unknowing is the cause of compliance

Of policy

Of strategy

Fear is repressed by making plans for the future.

I restructure therefore I exist

Self-aggrandisement is validated by exclaimed

Visions of transformation

it’s all smoke and mirrors,

because we don’t know where we are going.

Surrender to ignorance, eat fear, embrace shame, banish all that has been fabricated

For in the ringing silence the chimes of freedom

The bells of deep embrace wait for me.

In the sigh of my lover,

The eye of my trusting child,

And the soft pattering down of solitude

To seek all this away from light

From objective

Beyond conclusions and summaries.

Only in emptiness can there be eternity

Only in eternity can there be beginning and end.

Everything is broken.

God has shrugged and turned away-back into the cave

Where the bones of those who dreamt the world lie musty and forgotten.

I am turning away because my love for you is causing too much pain.

Too much heat and energy

And I go into the trackless forest where cool shelter will

Keep me sleeping for at least one full night.

I long for this unredeemed sleep

The unrequested kiss

The unsought for song.

Beyond the gates death waits and beyond death the true beginning The endless tides of terror and romance.

To begin is promise and easier than to end.

To begin is to ask

To end is to say, I have no answer.

The question is easier.

To begin is not so hard.

To end is impossible.

I like my name. The given name has four letters, the family name six. Six is longer, stronger, balanced. It is not to be pronounced Davieees my name is Davies, as it is to be said in the Welsh.

John, is trustworthy, contained, it can’t be diminished, but it can become affectionate, even cheeky and possibly rebellious when it becomes Johnny, which is how I am to my family.

My middle name Graham connects me to my mothers whakapapa and the great Earl of Montrose and the Graham clan who fought so heroically against the Campbells who took sides with the bastard English in the Covenant wars of 1640’s. I have always thrilled to the tales of Montrose who reportedly combed his hair, after the hangmans noose was placed about his neck. Against the pleading of his wife he had taken his 14 year old son into battle, where the son was killed and his wife fell into grief and died sick and alone. Silly bugger.

My parents always told me I was a teacher. As a child, my dad would say ‘bring your guitar Johnny and play for the kids” My mother liked taking me with her to her gatherings of country women because I could take care of the children, entertain them.

So I went as far away as possible from what my parents had foreseen and looked for a life amongst the rabble avant garde, the political fringe, the drug culture of music and theatre, and I found it. I never graduated Drama school but ran off with the circus, a company called Red Mole Enterprises and spent my roaring 20’s singing on street corners, playing in parks and bars, taking our brand of apocalyptic cabaret into theatres all over America, Mexico, England. By age 33 I had become a vassal, a cypher for another man’s agenda and so I jumped ship. I retreated into the quiet temple courtyards of Kyoto and listened to Noh Theatre. I learned to carve masks in the way that men 1000 years before me had, from blocks of cypress, covering them with paint made from ground up seashells and horse hoof glue. It was here my sensei told me;

The Audience are Stones

Upon my return to New Zealand I hid out in the King Country, writing songs, carving, avoiding what was obviously coming.

I began to lead by being an initiator, I would create cultural events and enlist armies of men, women and children to crusade with me. Opera, community plays, films, street theatre ensembles, Creative New Zealand funds for inter-cultural workshops in detention centres, prisons, schools, on marae, at universities, travelling with groups of students to community festivals, noho marae, international tours. Raising the money, producing, writing, directing, taking the rap, savouring moments of insight and value.

One afternoon my brother came to visit to show me his new 80-thousand-dollar car. I had just come off another tour, 20 gigs in 28 days, and had that morning signed on for the dole. I stood in the street admiring his gleaming Jaguar and the wet street soaked through the holes in the only shoes I had.

Somethings not right I thought. I found a Social Workers training course that made it clear in its advertising that it was for Maori people. When I went for my interview with the marvellous Mavis Tuoro she levelled her kindly insightful gaze at me and asked, ko wai koe? Later that day she rang offering me a place on Te Roopu o te Pikitanga. This was 1988, a most significant year in my life. I was one of two pakeha in a group of 35 Maori. We went on noho marae, I met such wonderful kind people. When I learned my pepiha I was told-you can’t talk Maori like that John, sounds like someone’s squeezing you by the balls. And we sang so many waiata. I taught waiata to my old actor mate Mikie Morrissey and we formed a duo called the Whimps and did benefits and caberet gigs singing waiata. Audiences gawped in disbelief. It was fun as.

For four years I worked in mental health rehabilitation and that was when I first came into these buildings. I would meet with social workers and psychiatrists in what is now studio 1013. One day I sat with residents and staff of the hospital to eat lunch, in a room that is now our theatre.

In the late 1980s there was a crisis in Auckland theatre. Mercury theatre was closed for want of $40,000 and the other professional company Theatre Corporate found it hard to survive. Certain government funding sources, like work for the dole, which was great for artists were being shut off. The only thing that survived was a Wednesday after school drama class. It grew into a yearlong certificate course and then the actors and dancers decided to go in together and create a tertiary program. Institutions in the city bid for us and Unitec won because they promised us these purpose built studios. That was the deciding factor. Dance got these gleaming floors and Acting had one room in building one, one room where we did everything. And then one day Murray Hutchison who was the first artistic manager of this drama school, my friend and mentor excitedly said “John come and have a look at this”. He forced the lock on that end room of building six and we walked into dust filled shaded rooms filled with rubble, piles of broken furniture, bulging filing cabinets, broken windows, old bedding and neglect, the hospital had been gone for about 3 years but their rubbish remained. He turned to me eyes shinning, “this is gonna be ours” I peered into the gloom, and I saw a ghost turn away down a shadowed passage. It took two years but we slowly began to occupy the spaces and so our school had a place to grow.

And with it I also grew. Murray gave me my first directing job; he asked me to adapt 1001 Arabian Nights. We bought old curtains from the Op shops and he taught the actors to sew. We made do and soon enough we became a degree.

The necessary step into full time tertiary came with parenthood and the need to move from a gig based economy to a salary. I was employed at Waikato University and at first I thought on well…its all over now…I’ve become a pointy head. But it was in fact a revelation. My nine years at Waikato was a time of rounding out my practice, my understanding of theatre. Our family grew to three children and I discovered the joy of writing. For two years I would work until midnight every Sunday and Wednesday, preparing lectures. I read so much, I attended conferences’ published and revelled in the chance to think and reflect on my 30 years of practice. But all the while we knew we wanted to return to Auckland and there was only one job I would return for. With a burning sense of destiny, I took up my present position on 12 July 2010.

This work has been a joy and I am deeply grateful to Unitec for the way in which the institution continues to honour this vocation, to give us a place and acknowledge that we belong to our city, to our industry and the hundreds of students who have graduated with an Acting for Stage and Screen degree. Our school is so strong, such a spirit lives deep in the heart of who we are and it has been my privilege and abiding happiness that I was given this opportunity. I’m no longer suited for this work. I have patience for people and the sound of personal struggle is Mozart to me, but the current low trust high compliance corporate management style has left me behind. I am frequently confused, bemused and frustrated. It’s time to give a new generation this wonderful chair.

But before I go I want to speak about love.

The greatest asset any school can have is its faculty and I believe ours to be one of the finest. The core of Pedro, Alexandra, Elizabeth, Will and Vicky has been together for 8 years. Together we have written the curriculum, which has won both national and international awards. We have come to rely on each other, to trust, to understand and respect the value we each bring. To not be with you all will bring me grief, but love is the cure, and our love for one another will outlive any regret or loss.

Charene, you also have been a trusted and true companion, thankyou. Erin I have so valued the manner in which we have guided our students into such fruitful collaborations. Victor and Anna Graves, likewise, in that we have worked closely and always with friendship and a shared sense of purpose. To all of the faculty with whom I have shared the load a thousand thankyou’s for your patience, support and dedication.

Dale, you are always so patient with me, such value to give. Thank you.

The future of this school is very positive. Vanessa, you carry the mantle with grace and generosity, you support staff and students in a real way and you do not back off from the hard stuff. Kia kaha Vanessa, yours must feel like a lonely place some times, but your dedication is shining through and you have earned our trust and respect; this creates unity and only with unity can we successfully negotiate the changes that are coming; we are strong and light on our feet, the changes will enliven and strengthen.

My mother taught me that other people come first, and I have come to believe that it is through service that one gains dominion over self. Through being a servant one becomes a sovereign.

My gift is that other people genuinely interest me.

My insight is that people will pay good money to watch other people believe in themselves.

Students; thank you for all of the challenges and insights we have shared. You have no idea how truly powerful you are. Stay true to your course, be kind, be honest, never give up.

My life is expanding, and I am ready for the new.

Thank you